The Pain of Divorce

The first day of high school is supposed to be an exciting, fresh start. It's full of new experiences, new faces, new classes, new clubs, and teams to join. However, I would never have imagined kicking off my first day of high school like I did: processing the news of my parents' separation that later led our family down the painful path of divorce. 

PAIN FROM A BROKEN PROMISE 

You see, marriage is a covenant, a promise. It's a choice that man and wife make between themselves and the Lord to love and serve one another until death does them part. Yet, sadly, in our fallen world, when man sometimes chooses the feelings of love over the call to love, it often leads to divorce.

Divorce nevertheless divides a family and multiplies pain, whether for biblical or sinful reasons. It splits up two halves of a whole union. And while you aren't the one who committed to marriage, divorce tears up your life and heart just as significantly being their child. 

Unfortunately, if you are part of the divorced family club, you know the unique pain it brings. Divorce breaks the promise of a lifetime of family vacations, Christmas mornings, and special events. It divides your time with a parent, often demanding you live out of a suitcase. Holidays and summer breaks tend to be over-scheduled and over-booked, lacking rest and renewal. And that's not even covering the emotional heartache of this dynamic change to your family! While your parent's divorce shifts your schedule, home, and family, it can also rattle your relationship with the Lord. 

A CONSTANT AND LOVING GOD 

During my parent's divorce, I struggled with the idea of God's character. I questioned the Lord's goodness and faithfulness during their separation. However, even though family relationships and dynamics change, one of the sweetest reminders that the Lord promised me was the idea that He is unchanging. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

He is so much greater, so much stronger, so much wiser, and so much kinder than we are. So even though we may watch relationships fail, we can find rest in who God says He is and who we are in the light of His love, for He is constant. Hebrews 13:8 even says: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Praise God for this truth!

Not only is Christ unchanging, but God will also be faithful through it all. The following Scriptures remind us of His faithfulness:

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." [Lamentations 3:23-24] 

"'I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you." [Jeremiah 31:3] 

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful--for he cannot deny himself." [2 Timothy 2:13] 

His love for us is eternal. There is nothing like His love. Even though worldly love may fail, it does not mean that God cannot use it to bring Him glory and bring about His children's sanctification.  

PURPOSE IN OUR PAIN 

The year following my parents' separation was one of the most challenging years of my life. I felt alone. I felt like the fall of my parents' relationship was my fault. I thought that God was punishing us in divorce. However, God was kind to me to reveal the truth in Scripture amidst all the lies I believed in my head. He reminded me of who I was in Him and used the painful parts of my life as much as the good to point to Him. I learned so much about God, the Church, and myself from walking through my parents' divorce. 

That season of my life reminded me to trust Christ in moments of pain, as it says in James 1:2-4. It says: "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." I find joy in knowing this trial in my life brought me closer to Christ and will glorify Him. And it can do the same for you. 

Although painful, divorce is another vessel that the Lord can use for good in the lives of His children. He gave me a story and a passion for walking others through the ups and downs of life because of walking through my parents' divorce. 

Therefore, if your parents are divorced or in the process, I want to encourage you in three specific ways: 

  1. Be intentional in asking the Lord to bring purpose out of the pain. Even though divorce is not in His plan, He will be faithful. He is a kind, loving Father, a comfort to the hurting. (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

  2. Reach out to people who have walked through the pain of divorce. Two friends came into my life the month after my parents' separation. They both came from broken homes like mine and understood what I was feeling without having to say a word. Odds are, you have friends around you who have walked through a similar situation. The relationships around you can point you to Christ and remind you of His love, even when you forget it.

  3. Find someone you trust (like a mentor or a counselor) to help you process and walk through this life change. I had mentors who God purposefully put in my life to help me process my parent's divorce. They helped me stay steadfast in trusting the Lord and His plan, and the Lord used them to push me toward Him.

As I walked through high school, I changed, just like I had expected on my first day of high school. However, the change I imagined for myself paled in comparison to how the Lord molded my heart to look more like Christ. I didn't know God was better than I ever thought He could be.

Even though walking through a divorce is hard, God uses even the hardest situations to point us to Him. He reminds us that His love never fails. How sweet a reminder! 


Hi! My name is Kassidy Turner. I'm a 19-year-old college student from Rockwall, TX, passionate about teaching and telling stories. I am majoring in Christian Studies at Dallas Baptist University and plan to use my degree in ministry. Learn more about me, a cheese-loving, middle child, sunset photographer with a dairy allergy, on my blog and Instagram!

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