To All The Single Ladies
Love is in the air . . . or at least it seems like it. As you scroll through Instagram, you double-tap the never-ending photos that cute couples post. And on Pinterest, you pin gift or date night ideas you long to share with someone “one day.”
Believe me: I know what it feels like to be left out when everyone seems to be talking to someone, and they all have plans on Friday night. I know what it is like to be the third wheel. I know what it is like to really like someone, and then they end up choosing another girl.
At times, singleness can be discouraging. But just because you don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean you are less valuable.
It took me years to accept this truth.
When I stressed over getting a boyfriend, I became so insecure. What I saw in the mirror, I immediately criticized. Every morning, I would agonize about what to wear, wondering if I looked pretty enough. I didn’t want to come across as dumb, so I sat in silence while everyone else engaged in conversation.
Looking back, I realize I shouldn’t have worried about a lot of the petty things I overthought. But in the moment, I wanted to feel chosen and loved. And I bet you’ve felt the same. So if you are reading this and are currently single or have never dated before, here are three truths to cling to in your singleness:
BE CONFIDENT IN WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST.
Christ uniquely made you! He wired you with specific talents, knows how many hairs are on your head, and perceives the desires of your heart. When we are lonely, we often doubt these things. But, luckily, regardless of our relationship status, our relationship with Christ is unchanging.
In 1 Peter 2:9–10, it says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” God’s grace revolves around His choice to save us. Regardless of the guys (or lack thereof) who choose to pursue us, Christ’s decision to love us is constant!
In a world where love is fleeting, this truth anchors our hope and confidence. Knowing who God made us to be, as well as His love for us, should calm our fears when insecurities start screaming. Remind yourself of the truths and promises found in Scripture to combat the lies of the enemy.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO THE GIRL BESIDE YOU.
If we are honest, we have all had thoughts like:
“Am I not as pretty as her?”
“Why would he like someone like her?”
“What is wrong with me?”
We spend so much time focused on someone else that our thoughts become overwhelmed with endless questions. These thoughts end up distracting us from what’s important.
Galatians 1:10 reminds us of a question we can ask ourselves when we are struggling in moments of comparison. It says, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” As servants of Christ, we are to obey Him and bring Him glory in all we do. This truth should be applied in every season we walk through. We can decide to compare who we are, or we can be obedient to what God is calling us to do at this moment.
SHOW COMPASSION THROUGH YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS.
While you may struggle with the fact that you do not have a significant other, you still can show kindness to others. We all want to be heard and understood. In these moments, you have the opportunity to speak biblical truth to the friends that trust you for support. Listen, ask questions, be accountable, but most importantly, show compassion like Christ. Colossians 3:12 says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience [. . .].” Whether you realize it or not, you are chosen. Because of the love of Christ, you can live a life that shows that love to others!
Life is worth living no matter what your circumstances may be. Your life does not suddenly begin because you have a boyfriend. Even in this season, you are loved and wanted. Don’t allow insecurities about dating to dictate your worth. Especially in a season of singleness, take time to focus on the positives instead of dwelling on the negatives. Use this time to learn about things you like, take opportunities more freely, and, most importantly, seek Christ passionately!
Kelly McKinley loves iced lattes and is constantly in the mood for a random road trip. Her heart for the Gospel has led her to ministry opportunities from Haiti to Memphis and many places in between. Kelly's desire is to point others to Christ, which she does through her personal Instagram account and Grieving in Grace on Instagram.