Three Boundaries in Dating Relationships
Before we get started, I have something to tell you. Ready?
God loves you so much.
Let that soak in for a moment! In 1 Chronicles 29:11, it says, “Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all.” This great and mighty and powerful God loves you. He wants only the best for you. His way is so perfect that nothing else in the universe will satisfy you the way He will. He has the key to joy, purpose, and truth, and He offers it all to you in His Word.
Trusting this love is the basis of our conversation about boundaries. When it comes to dating, many times we ask, “How far is too far for me to go with a guy?” In other words, we want to know how physically intimate we can get without sinning.
Instead, we need to flip this question around and ask, “Do I believe God knows and wants the best for my life?”
If you answered yes, do you trust Him enough to act in obedience to what He calls you to do?
Rather than pushing our boundary lines, let’s ask God what’s best for us. Here are some truths to help you do that when navigating biblical boundaries in dating.
1) KEEP WHAT GOD INTENDS FOR MARRIAGE OUT OF DATING RELATIONSHIPS
Some things are only good in the context of marriage. The Bible says that sexual intimacy and “oneness” are solely for the marriage relationship. Let’s look at these closer.
SEXUAL INTIMACY
In 1 Corinthians 6:18–20, it says: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
The Lord created sexual acts for only marriage relationships. Actions meant to view, feel, or arouse body parts typically covered from public eyes (I would call that the “neck-to-knee” line) is pleasure intended for the marriage bed. These actions are paired with a covenant between a man and a woman where they are already one unit, not where they hope to one day be one unit. Your body was made to glorify God, and sexual intimacy can only glorify God within the marriage relationship.
ONENESS
From the creation of man and woman, God’s plan for marriage was that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). The highest level of intimacy between two people is to be considered “one flesh” before God. Married couples make decisions together—from weekend plans to spending money or having children. Scripture goes as far as to say, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor. 7:4).
Dating couples do not have authority over each other. A proper boundary for a dating relationship should be physical and emotional. If you are not married, take care to protect yourself and your partner with these boundaries. If the relationship cut off, would your life still be whole? Be sure not to build your life around someone who is not your spouse!
2) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF
After all, the Bible categorizes relationships into three groups. A spouse is someone who becomes one with you through a permanent covenant before God. A family member is related to you by blood or marriage. Everyone else is your neighbor, including someone you're dating. The Bible commands us to: "love your neighbor as yourself" (Luke 10:27). This verse means seeking others' good for the long-term. And to know and trust God while doing what He calls us to do for His glory is what's best for us.
To seek the best for our neighbors, we must continuously encourage a healthy relationship with God and obedience to Him. When we start thinking about romantic relationships, we can often be selfish. We want someone to make us feel good, someone to excite us or flatter us, and someone to love us! Instead, we need to press each other forward to love God and protect each other from temptation in every relationship we have.
3) STAY ACCOUNTABLE TO WISE CHOICES
Now, it’s time to make some practical decisions. The Bible calls us to accountability (James 5:16), so make sure a parent or a wise fellow believer knows what your physical boundaries are and holds you to it! This support system will be essential when temptation gets tough. Set limits that keep you from even being tempted to go too far!
Establish some practical rules with your boyfriend, like making sure you’re not alone in a house, that you keep the lights on at all times, and that you never lay down together. Don’t put yourself in situations where it’s hard to honor God with your actions. If you mess up, repent, tell your accountability partner, and press on with boundaries that are more helpful in the future.
Remember, the Lord is for you. He wants the best for you beyond what you can even imagine (Rom. 8:28; Eph. 3:20). Your relationships are a chance to glorify Him and trust Him with your life. Get to know people for their hearts and their minds above their bodies!
MEET THE AUTHOR
Sydney is a Bible enthusiast and minister who loves her husband and kids. She has served as a minister in both youth and kids ministry for almost a decade, and currently acts as a Kindergarten teacher at a private Christian school. She values laughter, long talks over a good cup of coffee (bonus points for a donut on the side!), and exploring the exciting places God created all over the world!